Get a Cut or Get Cut, Your Choice (Except Wednesdays)

I know that you have all been anxiously waiting for me to get my hair cut once again, and I’m sorry but it does tend take a good 3 weeks until that time rolls around again! But don’t you fret, the hair hit the usual awkward spot and I decided to venture to my usual spot for a trim, and I have an even better story than the first! So I’ll stop all this introduction mamble jamble and get to the goods.

Outside of the experiences from last time like the stares from the shop full of African men, the blaring hip hop music, the buckets of Vaseline, and of course the grease for your added enjoyment, you can add a near horrible experience to that list of goodies. I was right at the climax of my hair cutting experience, you know, as they are dusting off the loose hair and reaching for the grease. Maybe you don’t know actually, my bad. Regardless, it was right as this time that I noticed a discussion that was taking place right beside me. When I say discussion I think I really mean argument. I’ve been around arguments plenty of times before, usually it is centered around who the better basketball team is between my brothers and I (Clearly there is no argument this year.), or my mom and dad trying to determine who was snoring last night (It’s always dad, but he puts up a good fight). This was not like that. One, this was in another language. B, it was in two other languages so neither of the individuals fighting understood what the other was saying, and I understood neither. From the little Afrikaans that I do understand I was able to pick up from the mad individual that he wanted his phone back and that my barber had either taken it or something of the like. Cell phone theft is pretty common around the Manenberg area because you can make a quick R50 or more and that is good money for drugs. I am not sure how the plaintiff was able to track his stolen phone down, but I am judging from his posse that went with him that he didn’t use the nicest measures. I do not understand any Xhosa and so I was not sure what my barber was saying at all, but from his motions and pointing at me and other clients he was saying that he did have the phone but it was at his house and after he finished cutting our hair he would go get it. The other man was not satisfied with this and called one of his goons who began to reach for something. At this point I may have peed my pants just a little. Sorry for the graphic detail, but it is true! I was considering my next move if he pulled out a gun. One side of me would be the extra quick and suave hero and tackle the guy and save the day, but the real side of me was looking for a good place to hide in a trailer. Luckily, it was not a gun, but it was a whip that he had tied around his arm that he then wrapped around his knuckles. At this point I regretted not buying the Chuck Norris kickboxing package set for the low low price of $19.99. If I had then I could have given him a swift kick to the jugular and ended the entire problem, but I took the “rational” road and told myself that Chuck Norris was a joke and I didn’t need his teaching, lesson learned. The man began to get in the barber’s face and make threats in Afrikaans that I would assume weren’t in the uplifting manner that the Bible would recommend, but I did not see this as a time to tell him that. But, and if I have lost you in my random side notes I apologize, I tend to make jokes to cover up for things that make me look vulnerable. But, I saw out of the corner of my eye a gang member from the American’s gang that I have befriended come running towards the shop. I also know that this guy has killed a man so I assumed that he was just looking for some more fun, but quite the opposite. He broke up the fight and within a few minutes had everyone sorted out and was walking the upset man to get his phone back. As I was leaving he stopped me with this huge grin on his face and told me, “I knew you was in there Tobs, I got your back!” I played it off like I didn’t need him to get my back, but I remember the feeling I felt when I saw him running. A familiar face. A man who stood up for me when he didn’t have to. Not that I was in any serious danger or anything, but he came to my rescue. I gave him a hug and went on my way, but I’ll never forget that haircut.

Although, it wasn’t the best all-around service that I have ever received. I didn’t even get the grease, which is included in the price. I don’t think I will argue it though, I’ve made it 21 years without being whipped (Outside of the corporal punishment I received from my father); I think I could go a few more!

By the way, I realize that it may seem that I don’t do much over here because I only post about getting my hair cut and ridiculous things like that, but I assure you that I do other things! I just don’t write about the day-to-day things because I have these exciting things to write about!

Also, this might be one of my last posts. I am going on a safari next week. I know you’re jealous so don’t even try to act like you aren’t!

Duke's in the Championship!

I think it has been a while since the last time I posted something on here. Sorry about that, but it is hard to follow stories of shake downs and stare downs with anything. Sadly, this post is not much better, but because a few woman (And you know exactly who you are, so don’t play innocent) won’t get off my back about updating it then the rest of you will have to suffer through a lackluster post. These past couple of weeks have been challenging and rewarding, relaxing and stressful, typical and completely unexpected, and I can’t think of any other opposing adjectives to throw in. I will do my best to explain each of these in some form or another, but because I know myself, I probably won’t because I will go off on some erroneous (never thought I’d use that word…I like it, so I may continue to use it now) tangent and get confused on my original intention.

I say that it has been challenging for some obvious reasons and some not so apparent to the eye. Working with youth, no matter if they are wealthy, at-risk, high-risk, middle-class, etc. is always a challenge. It is no different with these guys. We set up appointments on Mondays to meet, and when their appointment comes they are nowhere to be found. I anticipated this early on, but for the past two weeks I have been chasing down guys all over Manenberg. This has placed me in awkward situations in people’s houses I don’t know or attempting to ask people on the side of the street, which is always a challenge. Mix this in with a stomach virus and you have yourself quite the recipe for a frustrating time. I quickly became very irritated and upset because I was so set on coming over here and meeting with these guys every week, but that just hasn’t happened. Now, if I meet with one of them a week then it was a good week. Now for those of you who are questioning if I even do anything because I am only meeting with one person a week, you are allowed your right to question, but there is still plenty of work for me to accomplish! It has been a rewarding couple of weeks because we have made pretty legitimate relationships with a new group of guys. They invited me to play street soccer with them this week, and whenever you get invited by a gang member to do anything then you know you’ve done something right! I am excited to see where this goes in the future!

I have had a relaxing past couple of weeks because on the weekends I have been able to go to the beach and just unwind. I have found that the hardest part of this whole trip for me is processing everything that I hear. Friday I may have had the best Good Friday ever. I drove to a beach and packed myself a picnic and then I sat and wrote in my journal and listened to music for a good 3 hours. It is times like these that I love being alone, but since I’ve been alone for a solid 3 months now, I am looking forward to seeing friends and family! I have been housesitting this past week for a World Cup referee and his wife (cool huh?) and in that they have allowed me to use their car (scary huh?). This has been one of the greatest blessings I could have asked for at this time. That car has given me a sense of freedom that I haven’t had since January! I have been able to go to the beach, Robben Island (Where Nelson Mandela spent a chunk of his life, I saw his cell too, pretty incredible experience), City Bowl, The Waterfront, etc. It has been an incredible weekend! But just as it has been a great weekend, it has also been a stressful one as well. I have been working to complete a few assignments that are proving to be more difficult than they should and that is weighing on me. Also, I found out two days ago that the family I am staying with got evicted from their house. Well, maybe not evicted, but have to move out by Tuesday! This would be fine if they had a house in mind, but they don’t! This may frighten some of you, but please don’t worry because this is typical of my life over here so I am rolling with it! We have had a few good laughs already about it!

Lately I have been thinking about the power of God. It has truly blown me away. Not that he has all power and never relinquishes any of it. Not that he doesn’t use that power against us, but for us. No, these principles floor me, but aren’t what I’m specifically dealing with now. The fact that he entrusts that power to us and that the same power that healed, the same power that caused the blind to see, the same power that caused the lame to walk, the same power that turned a sack lunch into a Ryan’s Buffet, the same power that walked on water, the same power that conquered the grave, that power lives in me! Christianity is often times made out to be boring. If you go to church and do your best to be good in the eyes of others then you are a Christian. If you are in a Sunday School class and serve in some leadership capacity then you are a good Christian. I am not writing that off by any means, but that is boring!! What if we lived like we had that power? It excites me, because I have seen that power from time to time in my life, and since I’ve been over here I have seen it more because I have had no other choice but rely on him, and because of that I have seen his glory.

This weekend I have been most blown away by one thing. It was this weekend that we saw God’s power and love meet. I can’t expound on that.

So I apologize that this post was not the typical satirical masterpiece that you are familiar with. It isn’t that fun things haven’t happened, it is just that I can’t write about them on here! Ha. Joke mom. Kinda. Well, if you don’t here from me for another couple of weeks I apologize. It’s not because I don’t want to post on here or anything, but because I am busy moving to another house!

The title has no relevance to anything in the post, but I just thought it should be noted!

Parental Guidance Advised: I Get a Bit 'Frisky' Here

I feel like a little bit of honesty is always appreciated in life right? Well, I am writing this message as I fight off a battle going on in my stomach with whatever that was that I just ate for dinner. Food is made to go down the stomach, not the other way, and I feel that the ‘other way’ is fast approaching. I have found that taking my mind off of it helps. Yes, I have had enough experience with this issue over here that I have come up with my own home remedies! In all honesty the food is great, I just struggle with some particular meals maybe! Anyways, I mentioned a little bit of honesty and that was quite a bit. I apologize for those of you running to the bathroom now! If only you could see what I ate and then would you really be running! Wow, I need to get to the point or I am going to lose all my faithful blog followers!

I wrote a few weeks back about Mondays and the battle therein. Most of you might remember that excerpt better from the haircut with a nice topping of grease, but it ultimately pointed to how God continues to deliver me from Monday mornings. I don’t want to limit Him to Mondays, actually, when He does far beyond that, but for my stories sake just go with it. Thanks. Well yesterday made for yet another interesting story to tell on here (Which is what I am always after mind you, a good story for the blog…in those three dots right there please pick up that sarcasm in that last clause, you may place it in the garbage bin on your way out.)

Well, this Monday started off very similar to most other Mondays. It actually ended fairly normally as well with me watching Days of our Lives and Oprah as usual, dinner at 7ish, and then soccer at 10. Oprah was in rare form yesterday talking about some woman who got her face mauled off by a chimp, but I still only see dollar bills whenever I see that woman so I have a hard time hearing her sympathy for others. Not sure where that came from. How do I go on tangents when I’m writing? Anywho, it was in my afternoon in Manenberg that the excitement took place. I usually go on Mondays to remind the guys when we are meeting during the week because chances are they have forgotten over the weekends. I am fine with this as it gives me more opportunities to be with them in their home environment and I also just enjoy being in Manenberg. I was talking with one of the guys on the corner and he skated away and left me with his buddy that I did not know. Well, I was content to chat with this guy and he and I began to have a conversation about his life. He has a pretty typical story it seems. He was married but then divorced because he couldn’t hold a job, now lives with his mom; it wasn’t his fault that he lost his job, etc. I was enjoying our conversation because he had these great pictures of what America was like. He assumed that Texas and Tennessee were the same place and I pretty much just went with it because trying to explain otherwise is way to difficult and it really doesn’t matter. He assumed that I must be a cowboy and know how to rope and spit and stuff. Role-playing is a social work intervention technique so I just assumed the role. Around this time about 5 cop cars swing down Storm’s River road and start pulling off the road. One truck stops right beside us and the officers storm out of the car and tell everyone to get against the wall. I sort of look around in confusion as my new friend kinda laughs, but in a still serious tone says to get against the wall. I saw this as an incredible cultural experience so I did. If someone could have taken a photo of this I would have paid big bucks for it! 5 or 6 coloured gang members or drug dealers and my new friend and I against the wall! The officer begins to pat me down (slightly enjoyed this, only because I am tickalish) and asks me what I am doing here. I told here that I was a missionary (somewhat true, but once again, I just went with the easy answer. I felt that if I tried to explain that I was a social work student working with High Risk Youth she might just pistol-whip me). And by the way I keep saying she…it was a she, yes, but one of those women whose husbands stay at home and haven’t uttered a word in years out of fear of being smacked. I mean she was like 3 of me, 4 if I just left the restroom. Regardless, after I told her I was a missionary she responded by saying, “I don’t care.” And this is where Smart Alec Tobey almost made an unwelcome appearance and responded to her statement by saying, “Then why’d ya ask, Sharlene?” (Her name wasn’t Sharlene, but it fit her…her personality?) Well, she continued to pat me down and I continued to fight back laughter because she was touching my bum. (I imagine she enjoyed it. I had done my daily squats just minutes before her arrival.) Then we she realized that I was not packing anything (outside of my huge muscles of course) or storing any drugs ‘she’ went on her way. As all this was going on my supervisor was down the road in his car watching all of this. He found it appropriate to honk his horn as frequently as possible to provoke laughter. Totally unprofessional.

The rest of the day went pretty normally. I had lunch with 3 gang members and drug dealers. One of them looked me dead in the eyes and told me if he had to he would kill me. I told him he’d have to catch me first because I am extra quick. He laughed. It was a good day. And I’m not lying about anything here, I mean I know I can embellish a story with the best of ‘em, but seriously do you think anyone can make up that type of stuff? Didn’t think so. Enjoy your day. Take advantage of each moment.

By the way...I spent more time thinking of a clever title than I did the rest of this deal so please find that funny.

If you are having a bad day imagine me slapping 'Sharlene' on her bum after I was finished with the pat down and telling her, "Good work out there Tiger. Keep up the good sweat." Not sure where that came from, but that kept going through my head as she patted me down!

I kept this one short!

Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.

A well-known verse from scripture, I realize this, but in the same regard, often overlooked. I know for me that I often reflect on the ‘be still’ section and often times I fail to recognize the importance of the rest. It did not take me coming to Africa to realize that the nations exalt the Lord, but it definitely gave me insight into this incredible truth. As you prepare your hearts for worship with other believers tomorrow morning I want you to think on this truth and be very happy. By the time you make it to church tomorrow morning the believers in China will have started off this day of world exaltation to the Lord…twice, if they are Southern Baptist Chinese. Soon after them the believers in the Middle East and others will continue what was already started from those to their east. After that I will be joining in on this world worship session with the rest of Africa and other parts of England. Then if there are any believers in the Atlantic at the moment they may join in on this celebration. And then it is America’s turn to praise the Lord. Rest easy knowing that you are just joining in on the song that has been sung all day. You aren’t just making noise in the Lord’s ear, but you are fulfilling His very words. That excites me. And it happens every week. Sometimes twice a week. And if West Jackson had a say into all this it would be 3 times a week, because we all know that G.R.O.W. counts as well. If only Brother Lonnie could get a hold of those numbers. Okay, now I am just ruining any point I was attempting to make before.

Challenge to those of you in the Americas…finish the celebration well!

So this one I rambled more that usual. Sorry?

I have been challenged by plagues of doubt and a lack of confidence my entire life. I know you ask yourself how this is so with my incredible body, harmonic and melodious voice, and of course my immense amount of friends. I just checked on facebook and it appears that I now have 1,345 friends and I am positive that anyone of those individuals would come to me at any moment of distress. Now, before those of you who are not familiar with my sarcasm let me stop before you cast your judgment on me! (I apologize for always having these ridiculous rambling sessions on here by the way. I write like I think, which doesn’t necessarily conform to what your typical blog holds!) Anyways, back to the initial statement. I have lived the bulk of my life attempting to please everyone around me and gain validation by doing things that I know will be acceptable to them. Because of this I have gained an incredible ability to know what is expected of me from people before I have a relationship with them, but on the opposite side of the spectrum, I now have no confidence as to who I am. I have become who everyone has wanted me to be and I used the passage of scripture in 1 Corinthians 9 to rationalize this.

Before you comment on my ignorance let me beat you to the punch…I’m partially an idiot. I often reflect on how my confidence should be placed in God. I daily realize that my every need can be met in God. I know that God is faithful. I know that I should not be concerned with the thoughts of others. I know all of this. But knowing and believing are two vastly different principles. I have come to a point in my life where I have had to admit that I do not believe. And before you all start booking flights to South Africa with your holy water to drown out all my unbelief let me finish! I don’t want to step on any toes here, but I imagine I am not the only one here either who struggles with not believing. It is simple. If we did believe what we know then we wouldn’t be concerned our different standards of measurement in the Church or our spiritual lives, but we would be blown away by the faithfulness of God. So often we write off the sections of scripture that speak about God ‘moving mountains’ or we see how Jesus performed miracles and we leave it there. The same God who moved those mountains and raised the dead is the same God we sing to on Sunday mornings and often forget by Monday morning. I know I am not the only one who doesn’t fully believe. If I was then I would be hearing story after story of the faithfulness of the One we serve. I want to be so crazy and foolish as to believe that God is capable of physically moving a mountain. I want to be so dumb as to believe that God can change the district of Manenberg from the drug and gang infested land to a place of love. God how I desire that stupidity associated with the truth that you could raise my grandmother or grandfather or high school friend from the grave and restore them if it were to be in accordance with your will.

And from there stems my lack of confidence in myself. I have spent my life searching for something to put my confidence in and I have come up empty. To put my confidence in God seems foolish, even in the church today. And because of this it has begun to permeate into the smaller areas of my life. I have this overwhelming sense of inadequacy everyday. I am aware that a bit of this feeling is healthy to keep one from becoming prideful, but I have far surpassed this healthy spirit of meekness. I doubt every ability that God has blessed me with. But it’s those moments that I latch on to what God has called me to and it is in those moments that I am confident of one truth only. I am loved by the Father.

I fear that my thoughts and rants may seem like rubbish and disorienting to you, but this is flowing perfectly to me. I want to make the disclaimer that I am not writing off the church by any means! I realize that I am making generalizations here. I am also not writing from some spiritual ‘high’ because I am in another country. It didn’t take me traveling to Africa to realize my lack of confidence in God. Enough with the apologetics. I am reminded of the verses you see written above on the header. I have prayed these verses for some time now, but I am constantly drawn to the first verse. …his praise will always be on my lips…I may doubt my own ability, (good!), but when I realize what my God is capable of then the natural result is unending praise! The week before I came over here we sang a hymn that I was not familiar with. This could be a result of my charismatic lifestyle of worship that has almost gotten me disowned by my parents because I like a nice drumbeat and the words on the screen, not a book! Okay, another line of sarcasm there, I apologize! Anyways, the hymn is called There is a Fountain. I won’t try and add my thoughts to this declaration of hope, but I want to point out a few things. I want you to notice the succession of hope strung through each stanza, and the last two stanzas are what have encouraged me. And this is beside any point that I am trying to convey, (you are probably used to that by now!), but the first verse is disturbing! Has anyone ever stopped to think about what we are singing? I don’t know many other genres that sing of fountains filled with blood, yet we sing it so loudly and sometimes a little off-pitch (Carroll Griffin) as if it were our life theme. Maybe that’s because we know it should be…deep down.

There is a fountain filled with blood,

Drawn from Immanuel’s veins,

And sinners plunged beneath that flood


Lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see


That fountain in His day;

And there have I, though vile as he,

Washed all my sins away.

Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood


Shall never lose its pow’r,

Till all the ransomed church of God


Are safe, to sin no more.

E’er since by faith I saw the stream


Thy flowing wounds supply,

Redeeming love has been my theme,

And shall be till I die.

When this poor, lisping, stamm’ring tongue


Lies silent in the grave,

Then in a nobler, sweeter song,

I’ll sing Thy pow’r to save.

God,

I may never fill the pages of a book with deep insights, I may never coin a song with eloquent words, I may never be able to paint pictures of your love, but I will never cease to let your praise be on my lips.

Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die. And shall be till I die. I’m not confident of much, but you can take that to the bank.

Well, maybe not the bank. They seem to be struggling as of late. Maybe just put it in a jar and bury it. That last line was unnecessary. I don’t know why I am leaving it. Sometimes I dislike myself…this is one of those times!

Sorry for the long post! This always serves as a good outlet for the things I am thinking about. There is so much more, but this has been on my heart for a while. Maybe one day soon I will give you a typical blog post informing you of what I am doing each day like I am probably supposed to be doing!

Gideon's Battle Before the Battle

I was a part of a Bible Study today with 3 of the guys from M'Berg. A question that I had been thinking about and dealing with a great deal recently was brought up to the guys. I now pose that same question to you.

What do you think of yourself?

Now what does God think of you?

The main reason I put this up here is because I am reflecting on the second question. I have reflected far too often on the first and allowed the enemy to answer that question for me. No wonder I live in a world of insecurities. He is the father of lies, but it is amazing how I have seen walls crumble down in my life and others when I speak the Truth into those areas. If you don't know the answer to the second question ask God. Ask and then listen. He answers. Simple as that. Don't count Him out.

The story of Gideon in Judges 6 may be helpful.

Or Moses.

Or Noah.

Or Jonah.

Or Paul.

Or ________

I tamed that Lion

Monday mornings, I have decided, are a thing of the devil himself. He smiles in joyful glee as he watches me strain to roll out of bed. He finds an even bigger delight in giving me excuse upon excuse as to why I shouldn’t go to work each morning and laughs as I consider each one as if it were truth. But the beautiful thing about Monday mornings is that the afternoon is following swiftly behind! And it isn’t that God isn’t present in those mornings, because He is actually more present than the devil, but in that moment of weakness my foolish mind chooses to listen to the lies of the devil. The reason I give you this ridiculously unneeded introduction is to illustrate how my Monday would have been ruined had I listened to said ‘liar’ and not risen from my slumber!

I hate waking up. For some reason I thought that would miraculously change in Africa. I’m incredibly foolish, yes, I am well aware of this. This past Monday morning, or yesterday, was not different. Waking up was the last thing on my mind as my dreams of wrestling the lions (and winning I may add) came to a resounding end as that awful alarm rang its hideous melody. Despite my best efforts I woke up and did my best to take a shower, which usually results in more soap left in my hair and on my body then should be the case for a young adult. I dreaded the day ahead instead of embracing this incredible opportunity coming my way. It’s the way I handle mornings, I am not proud of it. But on this Monday I was unconsciously setting God up to show out in an incredible way. (I don’t know that this logic of “setting God up” is theologically sound, actually, it is probably far from sound and I don’t suggest it on any level.) This day, you see, gave me something to put in this blog! Ha.

My first experience was an experience at best! My hair had been getting quite long and doing this awkward thing in the back where it seemed to stand at attention and wave at those behind me. I decided that I needed a trim, and then it occurred to me that I could not just get out my clippers as I usually do. I thought long and hard about this, much longer and much harder than was needed for a haircut, but decided that I would make a trip out of this and do it in Manenberg. I’ve had good ideas in the past, like attempting to break the sweet tea drinking record at Lambert’s Café or “roughing it” by setting up a tent inside because it was far too chilly outside, but this trumped them all. This seemed revolutionary to me. To the best of my knowledge no white man has ever undertaken such a task as this, and I was going to show how courageous I was and just do it. So I did just that. I went to one of the local barbers, waited in the que, line, and sat there…awkwardly. There were about 10 men waiting to get their hair cut and all 10 immediately stopped talking when I sat down. Staring would be an understatement. Twice I went to get in the chair and twice I quickly sat back down because I was jumping the line. They were kind enough to give me a glare to let me know. When my turn finally arrived I tried at least 5 times to tell him I wanted the same haircut he had given to the previous 10 guys but there seemed to be some trouble in translation. Finally, after using hand signals the actual cutting began to take place. It went as one would expect it to go until the very end when my man reached for the grease. I thought about stopping him, but decided that this may be pretty interesting so I gave it a go. As he attempted to put the grease through my hair you could see the look of confusion on his face. I think he tried to stop it, but he couldn’t keep from smiling sheepishly! All in all, I claimed my spot as the first white man to get his haircut in Manenberg, most likely.

The second thing that made my Monday great was the evening. I won’t go into some long drawn out story as before because I don’t think my words can describe this. I had the opportunity to climb Lion’s Head Mountain. One side of this mountain overlooks Camp’s Bay and the Atlantic Ocean and the other overlooks Cape Town. It is tradition to climb it on a full moon here so I decided to join in. I watched the sun set over the ocean and the moonrise over the city. It was incredible! Hopefully these pictures will do some justice for the experience I had!

My mindset of Monday was changed in these moments. I anxiously anticipate how God will ruin the devil's schemes in Mondays to come...and any other day for that matter!

I love you all…well actually I don’t know if I can honestly write that. I don’t know who all comes across this and I might not love you. I think it is safe to assume that I would most likely get along with you, but to take it to the next level and drop the ‘L-word’ may be moving a little to fast. Okay let’s try again. I most likely like you all and I appreciate you putting up with these absurd postings!

Sien jou gou. Totsiens!

I’ve Got Fleas

I’ve really been struggling with my overall purpose of being here. Now don’t get me wrong, I know why I came over here. I did not just leave me family, friends, security, identity, comfortable life, and most importantly my dog just for kicks. I guess a brief history of how God brought me to this point is somewhat necessary. Strap on those seatbelts because this is a ride, not like the unusual simulated roller coasters that you only find at shady bowling alleys that leave you feeling nauseous and irritable in the intestinal region (that may just be me), but more of a ride in Jeep Wrangler on a beautiful spring day where you kind of get lost on purpose because of the wind through your hair and the music blaring through the speakers has become your heartbeat for the moment, and because it is those moments where you get lost that you find yourself…unless you are without a GPS, then you are just genuinely lost. I have a serious problem with making introductions more elaborate than they need to be. My apologies to the reader.

Now back to the initial point. I know why I am here. I have known this for what seems like years. I have felt some connection to Africa as a whole for sometime now. I can’t explain this without sounding too ridiculous. I have always felt something drawing me towards this country. At a younger age it was purely because of The Lion King. As I grew older it became more of a passion or obsession, or maybe both. I disregarded these feelings as my “wild oats” and decided to put it to rest. But I was unable to do so. This desire to see Africa began to grow exponentially. I cannot explain this feeling; I just know it was there. It would weigh on me. Then college came hit. I expected that with this new sense of freedom and lack of responsibility that my youthful desires of Africa would fall by the wayside, but I was wrong. Then the opportunity presented itself. The Social Work department advertised a semester opportunity in South Africa to do fieldwork. I may or may not have changed my major for this opportunity. My junior year rocked up and two of my classmates informed me that they were chosen to go to South Africa at the end of the year. I was so confused. How were they able to go? The trip wasn’t until next year, and then one of my teachers told me that it was every other year and that I had missed my opportunity. Anger, frustration, injustice, unfair, ridiculous, and similar thoughts raced through my mind. I spoke to my professors and told them my side. They said to come back next semester. I did. They arranged the trip for me. Three times since they planned it I thought it was going to fail. Three times I saw the faithfulness of One who planned this long before I even considered the idea. Late November was the time I booked the flight. This represented my official going to South Africa, partly because I knew I would be in major debt otherwise. I knew then that it was God that had been tugging on my heart to go to Africa. I saw my childish dreams go to youthful wishing to reality. I knew that God must have incredible plans for me over here. I just knew that something great was going to happen. And here I am.

And here I am. Here I am in South Africa upset once again because I can’t figure out what that is. I see what I am supposed to be doing from a Social Work perspective, but that has to be more than that right? I was thinking something big…like every gang member sees me not doing drugs and models that behavior. Something as big as seeing the entire city of Manenberg come to Jesus because of my 3-month stint here. Don’t’ get me wrong, I still believe that God is very capable of all that, but this may not be my duty. The realization that this may not be my purpose came after yet another frustration. The Warehouse is an Anglican originated organization and this past week we spent a good deal of time speaking on Lent. I actually did a pre-fast to determine what God wanted me to fast from. Incredible huh? The only reason I tell you that is because of the humbling session that followed it, otherwise you would have no reason to know. During my pre-fast I quickly realized that while fasting I found myself further away from the center of God’s will. I was constantly thinking about what I was giving up and the steps that I was taking in doing so and completely forgetting about the God that I was concerned with. It wasn’t until after the fast was over that I realized what I was to give up. Nothing. God told me not to give up anything. How could this be? How could I not give up anything? I was so angry for 3 days. I was willing to make some sacrifice to God and he didn’t want it. I am not a fan of revealing too much of my personal life, although this post doesn’t really support that statement, but I think showing this will best collaborate my experience and show what I was taught. My prayer is that it is encouraging to someone. This is the prayer that I wrote in my journal last Friday, February 11^th:

As I read through the story of Ruth I am reminded of the hope that I should have in you. I am learning so many truths right now that are difficult to swallow. I see how you carried Ruth through, even when it didn’t look like there was any hope for her or Naomi. What sticks with me though is how Ruth was content to glean. She was happy to walk behind the workers and pick up their droppings. I feel that you are telling me to do that in my time here in South Africa. Walk behind these individuals and pick up anthing they throw my way. I have so much to learn and they have so much to teach. This is why you were telling me that I was not ready to fast, and that was difficult to deal with God. I did not understand how I was not “spiritual” enough to fast, but you reveal things to me little by little. You knew I was not ready. You knew I would focus on the fast, not you. God give me the hope that Ruth had in you. She was happy to pick up the leftovers. Teach me in this time so that I can go home ready to work because of all that I learned here. Ruth 1: 16-18…where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay…

Lord teach me to stay.

I apologize that this is so long of a post. I don’t really have high expectations for anyone other than my mother to actually read this in it’s entirety, and the only reason she will do that is to check my grammar! I do want to continue to thank those of you who are praying for me in this journey. This week has been another week of learning. I am taking a course of community develop and have been floored with information. I am ready to get back to The Warehouse and Manenberg though. It has only been 3 days, but I miss it! I hope all is well at the homefront!

O yeah, about the title. I do indeed have fleas. There is no joke there. I don’t know where they came from, but they are on my bed and seem to be under the impression that my leg is a great place to do their business…and I don’t want to know what that business is. Home remedies are accepted so please throw them my way. I am taking hope in the fact that this definitely is not the first time something named Tobey has had fleas. Usually they have four legs and a tail, but I am not far off.

Cheers

Sorry for the delay!

Well hello again. I am sorry for taking so long to update, but I have struggled with what exactly to put on here. I could talk about my family, but there is only so much you can say about a woman who packs me 3 sandwiches for lunch and a man who is convinced that is lottery never works because the government is out to get him. He believes that the lottery is rigged so he doesn't turn his card in until 3 minutes before the cut-off so that they don't have time to see his numbers and change the outcome. I am dead serious. I hope that someone else can find humor in that besides myself because he surely doesn't see it as funny. Anyways, yeah that is most of my family life. They are great. I will have interesting stories, but I don't know if they are worth reading on a blog! I mean I could tell you about all the Oprah, Days of our Lives, and Nsdinyo (an Afrikaans soap opera) but I have a feeling that you would rather be spared!

I thought about writing about different experiences I have had in the past week, but I don't know if reading stories about me at the beach will be pleasant for all of you who are snowed in! I have cruised the largest mall in Africa (so I hear...but that is also from the man who believes that the government is solely against him winning the lottery, so take that for what it is worth.), been to an outlet store, been to a few different beaches, and attempted to get on a touch rugby team. I have not been given an invitation to play, just watch. I am sure once they see how I look in my tight Under Armour gear that they will realize their mistake.

So yeah, it is tough to find something interesting to write about. My whole day is interesting to me, but I am experiencing everything for the first time. These things may not be as fascinating for you, and hopefully you know that I am here to please you, the reader/bloggie.

These things might not be interesting to you, but what is incredible is the work God is doing at The Warehouse. I am blessed to just be on the outskirts of what is taking place here. I recently started my case studies and group sessions with a few of the guys from Manenberg. It is so evident to see that I have come in a long way into the process with these guys. They are so open and honest with their lives. They have been discipled for the past year or so which makes it incredible for me to hear their stories. I can not imagine the life that these guys live. As if finding their next meal were not enough, they must fight for their safety as well. They are surrounded by drugs, gangs, and any other negative influence that you can think of, but yet they show how resilient they truly are. I quickly realized how over my head that I am right now as I began to speak to them one on one. My job is to dig deeper than they have already gone and bring up any feelings that they have suppressed or have not properly coped with. Already I have dealt with tears, anger, confusion, and fear. I am feeling a great bit of inadequacy. I would like to meet the therapist who does feel adequate in these situations because I don't think he or she would be prepared either. I am realizing that this is going to be a tough road, but one that I am not on alone. I have incredible supervision here and I am very encouraged by that, as well as those of you who are praying for me. If you want to direct those prayers towards the guys that I am meeting with for the next couple of weeks I feel that would be more appropriate. I have 3 meals, clothes, and a roof over my head. They don't.

How's that for a post that I had nothing to write about? Ha. I guess I can ramble with the best of them. I hope that you are all doing well. I will try not to go so long without posting because I know a few of you check this every day (cough, Mom). I know that you are all hanging on every word so I will do my best to give you the next section soon! I hope you all have a great day!

Manenberg

The past couple of days I have had the opportunity to go into Manenberg. I am aware that I am not the best at painting a picture with my words, but I feel as though I should give it a try...

When you enter Manenberg you quickly realize the need for any and every sort of help one could provide. From the kids running on the streets to the drug deals in plain daylight, this community seems to be crying out for help. I do not think I am going to be able to provide pictures of Manenberg, but hopefully you will feel like you have been there soon! If you were to stand in the middle of Manenberg Avenue and basically just take a panoramic photograph of what you saw then you would see concrete flats (apartments) on either side of a narrow road. These flats are two stories and they all look like buildings downtown that have been vacant for years. Some of them are painted different colors because the resident feels a sense of ownership and pride that his or her flat is slightly different than the next. Outside of these make-shift flats are shacks made out of tin, cardboard, various pieces of lumber, barbed wire, etc. These houses are usually extensions of the first floor flat. Some have running water and electricity, some don't. These shacks are smaller than your bedroom, yes your room. Usually there are in the neighborhood of 10-12 people in each of these shacks, but that can go up or down depending on the family situation. As you walk down the streets you see street vendors selling items from their shack. The graffiti on the walls remind you whose territory that you are in and are there as warnings to other members of the community. You can hear the sound of children playing in the schoolyard, this is a pleasant sound, but that sound is soon forgotten when you see the barbed wire around the yard and the disparity of the schools themselves. Teenagers roam the streets always glancing behind them as if someone were following them. A stereo plays a Tupac song from 3 streets over. Cars honking. Men working. So much poverty. so much hurt. This is Manenberg.

But there is hope. There is a God who is not surprised by any of this. God is close to the brokenhearted. It is tough to see in situations like this, but He is there and once you see a glimpse of Him you keep searching for other places he may be. You can see him in the tired and worn faces of the elderly as they smile when you walk past. You can see it in the sounds of people singing along the way. You can see it as church members pass out food to people lining up. You can see it in the sense of community. That is where it shines the brightest. That is where the hope is found. I envy them. I honestly mean that. I have everything I could ever need and want, but I envy them. I am jealous of their community. I am jealous of their passion for each other. They have nothing to give, but they give it to make sure their neighbor can make it one more day. Children laughing. Music playing. Community in action. This is Manenberg.

It's a bit of a waiting game...

This week has been one of waiting and transition. Initially this was upsetting because in my head I had "come to South Africa to help young adults." I had this 'do work' attitude, but to be honest I had no idea how to do this work to the best of my ability. I am by no means making the claim that after one week I have high risk youth (HRY) all figured out, for all I know I won't have an experts knowledge when this is finished, but I have already learned a great deal. This week was perfect for me to be able to interact with the Warehouse staff and to form relationships with them. I feel like I am slowly becoming part of the community here and I am seeing places where I can plug in and be helpful to this incredible team. As I said though, I was initially upset, but I have learned in this week of waiting what it truly means to rely upon the Lord. Had I been able to come down here and immediately start working, I may have never learned that truth. Waiting on the Lord is more that just a sitting back and doing nothing. If I could redefine what waiting means in my life it would be more of an active waiting! I learned to not be lazy with that time, but to see areas where the Lord is at work and join there. I do not know the plans the Lord has for me while I am here, but He does! He is not surprised that my week has not been what I planned. In this week I was able to see the Lord work in my own life. I feel as if He is preparing me before I go out. There is so much I need in my journey with him before I can hope to encourage and empower these young adults, and this week was an answer to that prayer. I feel that I may be all over the place so I must apologize, that is just how my mind operates from time to time! I did have the opportunity to meet two of the guys I will be working directly with! It was a great time! I had been anxiously awaiting the time when we would meet. I was able to gain a better understanding of their life and experiences through those conversations. Meeting them took away some of the anxiety of going into Manenburg, but it also made me aware of the struggles they faced every day. I was just informed that today I will also be given the chance to go into Manenburg to meet with these guys again! I am excited about the opportunity to get out of the office and finally interact with these guys a little more!

Life outside of work has been a transition as well. I moved into my new home for the next several months on Wednesday. The family I am staying with is very kind and giving! I will try to post some pictures of my room and the house for you guys if you want! I have been able to get out and explore Cape Town a little bit the last couple of nights as well. Wednesday night I went to a mall and saw a movie and last night I went to a book launch with some new friends! I have been asked to play on a baseball team with my host mom's son-in-law so I may do that as well! I think they assume that because I am from America that I am naturally good at baseball, but they are in for a rude awakening! I am doing my best at getting on a touch rugby team, but they are pretty strict on who they let play...at least that's what they are telling me! I am overwhelmed by the landscape here! No matter where you are, there is something amazing to be seen!

I am going to stop rambling for now and get back to work! This was a nice break from my reading! I have read countless books and articles on HRY. So many that I am finding that I may be high risk as well! I can't thank you all enough for your prayers and support! I love reading your comments so please, feel free to just start up a conversation! Have fun in your snow storm...I'm going to the beach!

To quote a fellow South African in Dave Matthews...don't drink the water.

That quote has no relation to anything I am going to write, but I thought about it on the way over to South Africa. It rang as a good title if the water did turn out to be harmful, which thankfully it has not! The water is actually very nice and refreshing in case you were wandering, which you weren't, but now you know!

In more relevant news, today was an exciting day! After a few days of sitting around today I was able to explore Cape Town and I quickly realized how amazing a city it is. One cannot ask for too much more than oceans and mountains all from the same vantage point. It really is breathtaking. The passage of Isaiah 40 comes to mind as I write about what I saw. The culture here is also very interesting to say the least. There are a mix of several different cultures and it is interesting how they interact. I have enjoyed learning bits of pieces of South African history, culture, language, etc. already in my first couple of days here, and I am excited to see this knowledge expand as I work.

Today is my first day on the job. The Warehouse truly is an incredible place to be. There is so much work being done here, and it is very evident to see that this is the Lord's work. Even as I type this I can overhear conversations about children in need to poverty to helping entrepreneurs. I am quickly realizing my inability to describe all that goes on here, but hopefully the wonderful agency analysis that I have been assigned by Union to complete will help me to articulate these thoughts! I will be leaving shortly to go look at two houses that I will potentially be staying in. I am pretty nervous about the decision at hand because each house has it's strengths and weaknesses. One provides a better social network but is farther away from the Warehouse. The other is closer but the social network is nonexistent. This could come across as a trivial concern, and I realize that, but it is a concern nonetheless.

I am anxiously waiting to get to work with my team, but sadly they are not all here at the moment so wait I must! I have found that I will have 3 young adults that I will be conducting case studies with so that is exciting and nerve-racking, all in the same moment! This week will be one of orientations and meetings with different staff members within the agency, but hopefully field work is not far around the corner.

Thank you all so much for your prayers! I cannot tell you how important they are to me. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. The transition has not been an easy one, and will continue to be challenging, but this is where I am supposed to be so I can rest in that! Psalm 31 and 34 have continued to be passages that have comforted me! God has set my feet in a spacious place...

Hello from South Africa!!

This will be a fairly short post because I just want to let everyone know that I am here!! It is 3am Friday morning TN time so hopefully everyone is sleeping well! The flights were not too bad at all. I was able to change seats and get aisle seats the whole way which was very helpful for my long legs! I was greeted by Grant and Caroline when I got off the plane in Cape Town, and for the next week I will be staying with a man named Paul. After that I am going to be moving in with a family. In other news, the weather is incredible here so be jealous! I will try to update soon, but that will have to do for now! Thanks again for all your prayers and support!

To say I'm leaving on a jet plane seems cliche`, but accurate...

Well tomorrow is the day. Today I have been saying my goodbyes and making the final preparations for the trip. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but to be honest this is no fun what-so-ever. The good news is that I am extremely excited to get over there and get to work. I think that the reason I am so anxious is because I have had so much time to prepare for this experience and now I just want to get over there and get started. I have had a few conversations with the staff from the Warehouse and they seem excited to have me come over there, but it's hard to tell on account of it is through e-mail so excitement is hard to pick up over that! For those of you living vicariously through me on this trip I will tell you what I know about who I will be working with so you can feel like you know them too! But that will have to wait until I actually meet everyone! Hopefully the next time you ladies and gents hear from me I will be in South Africa!! (I used two exclamations points there to show added excitement.) Thank you all for the prayers and support. I love you all...well I assume I do. I don't know everyone that is reading this....

T.

Wonder if they will accept my SmartCard over there...?

Welcome?

Family and friends,

I was encouraged by Union and others to keep a journal of my experiences in South Africa and I had planned on doing just that, but I decided that I would do my best to be up to date in this new decade and give blogging a shot. I will be honest on the front end with whoever reads this...if anyone at all...and say that I am already not a fan of this because I feel that as the blogger that I am under the assumption that my thoughts and feelings are of more importance than you, the blogee. This is not the case at all. I am simply doing this because I was urged by others and I know that some will want to know prayer concerns and the ins and outs of this trip. I hope to update this regularly, but I will not make any promises there! I am not sure the proper ways to address a blog audience so please forgive me if I appear to be ignorant...I am a rookie at this! I am excited to be able to communicate with you all. If you did decide to follow this blog then you have some vested interest in my life and for that I am very thankful.

I leave for South Africa in less that 2 weeks. I honestly feel that I need more time. I do not know what I need more time for, it may just be that I am beginning to grow very nervous about the trip in general. These feelings of anxiety are mixed with those of excitement and they seem to be waging war within me! I am confident that God has orchestrated this trip to South Africa for a reason and that he is planning on using me in a great way, and that may be the most nerve-racking thought of all. I am by no means qualified to be used by Him and the thought of it frightens me. As these last couple of weeks pass by I hope to gain some sort of confidence in what God has laid out for me, as well as make the most of my time here with friends and family.

I hope that you all have a great day and I will do my best to keep these suckers packed full of fun and exciting posts...but don't hold me to that!

TG